As I saw him pour an entire bottle of Jack Daniel’s down the drain, my lungs were able to expand, and with each breath my body became lighter and my mind clearer. As he marriage changes after sobriety asked me to toss the still closed Coors banquet cans I knew we were going to make it; we were going to be okay. We would save our marriage because he was getting sober.

If you become codependent on your spouse, it’s important to seek help from a therapist or counselor who can help you learn how to set boundaries and take care of yourself. At the same time, don’t give up hope—if both of you are truly committed to saving your marriage, building a new and healthy relationship is possible. While you may harbor resentment or anger toward your spouse, it’s often counterproductive or damaging to constantly rehash these feelings. Instead, you can vent and navigate your emotions in a personal journal.

Why Medication and Counseling Work Best Together for Alcohol Treatment

His last text to me on Friday was that he was done letting my sponsor come first and for me to go on with my life. We’ve been together for 15 years, and I don’t know if we’re beyond repair. As a binge drinker, I was adept at pulling myself together for long periods of time, which created a roller coaster of highs and lows in our relationship. This was the first time I’d really committed to sobriety and my husband needed a chance to come to terms with the fact that he could trust me and rely on me as much as I could him. I was irrational and, often, my insecurities weighed out over reason, which meant he tip-toed around me and couldn’t be open with his feelings. I would rage over little things like not receiving a phone call or text message in what I thought was a timely manner. I spent too much money and had nothing to show for it so he had to hide money to make sure the bills got paid.

Next, he had to create a treatment plan consisting of therapy, medication, and fellowship to avoid relapse. At first, the idea that if left untreated, his substance use disorder could become a chronic condition was a lot to absorb. At the time, I knew nothing of his substance use disorder. I lived with this conflicted view of the man I loved. I perceived him as an accomplished executive with a relational leadership style appreciated by his colleagues.

He thinks that I’m letting my sponsor and my AA come before him or our marriage.

The seeds of trust sprouted in that forgiveness. Our marriage was reborn through the power of resentments forgiven. I had put down some serious time in permanent sobriety. This time, my apologies weren’t reminders of my inability to control my drinking.

For one thing, many people use alcohol as a coping mechanism. In early sobriety, difficult mental and emotional issues may come to the surface, and need to be dealt with. Simultaneously, alcohol use can cause long-term changes in brain chemistry. The rebalancing of a person’s nervous system—including many neurotransmitters that regulate anxiety, stress, and depression—can take time. If you are in recovery from addiction, it’s important to take things slow when it comes to rebuilding your marriage. Recovery is a process that takes time, and it’s important to focus on your sobriety first and foremost.

Focus on the Future

Being patient will be key in getting your marriage back on track, whether you’re living with an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery or you are an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery. Instead, it’s best to treat the marriage as a new relationship.

  • The accommodations, food and amenities are better than even the best hotel.
  • With any marriage, there is a commitment to be upheld every single day to keep the relationship joyful and healthy.
  • Aftercare planning is a significant part of addiction treatment.
  • We still have a lot of work to do and, unfortunately, we are still victims of our past.

Understand that while recovery will be challenging for both of you, rebuilding a healthy relationship is very much possible. Ongoing support from counselors or therapists can help reduce the symptoms of PAWS when your spouse stops drinking. Exercise, a nutritious diet, sleep, finding healthy hobbies, and participating in support groups are also beneficial. Finally, some medications for alcoholism may help the brain rebalance itself after quitting drinking.

Put Your Feelings in Writing

Try video chat and attend events where other people can also be there (e.g., school plays or sports, grandparent birthdays). Keep up to date on school events and projects, doctor and dentist visits, holidays, and vacation schedules.

There is nothing courageous about being abused, being marginalized and minimized, and being too afraid to leave . That is not a strength I want to perpetuate.