Perhaps the person is no longer living, or you no longer have contact with them and reestablishing contact would cause more harm. Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors.

What are examples of amends?

For example, let's say you punched a hole in a friend's wall while under the influence of alcohol. Making direct amends might mean meeting with your friend face-to-face and admitting that you were wrong. Then, you would take action by repairing the hole in the wall. Direct amends are also defined by consistency.

Is a force of healing and hope for individuals, families and communities affected by addiction to alcohol and other drugs. Through charitable support and a commitment to innovation, the Foundation is able to continually enhance care, research, programs and services, and help more people.

Indirect Amends And Living Amends

And then you must avoid making the same or similar mistakes in the future. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of people who share their experience, strength and hope with living amends each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. Anyway, what DOES help me with regrets/guilt is that I talk to God.

I know I could not save him, but I just hope that he knew how much I loved him, and still do. I would do it differently if I had it to do all over again, I miss him so much. Someone telling you not to feel guilty rarely cures guilt.

CANCEL MONTHLY SUPPORT is a non-profit organization that provides a scholarship to vetted sober livings throughout Texas. Scholarships are granted to those individuals who have completed an in-patient treatment and are looking to continue their recovery journey in sober living. Living Amends partners with sober living facilities to closely monitor each scholarship and intervene if obstacles arise to long-term sobriety. Recently a member of a FB group brought up a point I’d considered several times and you allude to it in this article. It would be helpful if grieving parents had a support system like AA. To be able to find a meeting when we’re losing it would be extremely helpful.

  • Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf.
  • Keep up with what Living Amends is doing in the community.
  • There are some important things you must know and do to successfully make 9th step amends.
  • Learn how we are continuing our mission to be a force of hope and healing, and what we are doing on the front lines to help families and communities affected by opioid addiction.

What happens when you die is one way of finding emotional freedom and closure. But what happens when the person you need to make amends with dies before you’re able to apologize and change your ways?

Programs and results

Do not try to attempt to work step nine without a sponsor, therapist, or spiritual advisor. Your sponsor can help walk you through this by asking you about your goals in making amends, how you plan to do it, and when. This person should have already worked on step nine, so they understand what it takes and can help guide you through it. “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”; the 9th step of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous . By now you have made it through the first 8 steps, congratulations, you have almost made it! There are some important things you must know and do to successfully make 9th step amends. This may not make a lot of sense psychologically speaking, but it’s helped me live my life the past 2+ years without wallowing in regret/guilt and I think that ‘s something to be thankful for.

Try not to respond with anger or defensiveness if others aren’t responsive to your efforts. They have been hurt by your actions, and they may not be willing to forgive and forget. They may have been hurt in ways that you were not able to identify when preparing to make amends. If you shut out your friends when using alcohol, commit to rebuilding those relationships and being open to honest conversations. If you damaged someone’s property while under the influence of alcohol, meet with the person face-to-face and offer to repair the damage or reimburse them for repairs already completed. The harsh reality is that some of us really do burn down our bridges, and there is no going back.